Surrender the Brownies

YOU WILL LEAD ME BY THE RIGHT ROAD, THOUGH I MAY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT

Thoughts on Hope.

on July 29, 2011

(Eruadan is quite welcome to join in and post his own thoughts here.)

My favorite quote of all time is from a Saint I don’t particularity identify with. “Pray, Hope, and Don’t worry!” (St. Padre Pio) Now, praying and not worrying is pretty simple, we do that a lot. Hoping? Most people don’t even know what that is, other than a vague idea. Allow me to illuminate.

Hope is glorified trust. Hope is when your brain tells you that a cause is impossible, but God says that somehow it will all turn out OK. Hope is trust in God.

Sometimes, hope seems unfounded. When we’re alone, when we’re in pain. Trust me, I’ve been there. In the past two months, every single one of my dreams has crashed to the ground. I used to put my trust in my great strength of arm and back. I was the strongest of my family’s kids. And then, God decided to take that, replacing it with constant pain, sometimes so bad it leaves me screaming. Some days I cant even walk. All my castles in the air, of getting married, of having children, of being a teacher and an author and learning how to dance… tumbled on the ground. It was the perfect time to get depressed. And so I did. I screamed, I cursed, I had no idea why God could have taken all that away, why God could give me nothing but pain. I mistrusted my friends. I was mean to my family.

For the first time in years, I wanted to die.

But then, I went up to my secret place. And I sat there, and I cried, yelling at God how on earth he could give me all this.

And then, I got an answer. (this all happened in that weird, thought-thats-not-a-thought way that God uses to talk to me.)

God: “I Love You.”

Tani: Oh, really? Than WHY are you doing this to me?!?!

God: Its your cross. You’re not strong enough to bear it yourself, but I will help you. I promise. I’ll light your way.

Tani: But why does my cross have to hurt so bad?? My hands and feet BURN. My knees ACHE. Why don’t you just kill me now and have done with it???

God: My hands had holes in them.

Tani: …

God: Trust me. All will be well. I will hold you. I love you! Pray, Hope, and Dont Worry!

And that, dear ones, is the conversation that made me think, and tossed me out of that funk. God told me, during that little conversation in my Secret Place, that all would be well. So, I learned to hope. And then I looked up that quote found out who it was by, and loved it!

So, what is hope? Hope is trust that God will take care of you, no matter what happens. So, the next time you feel sad or depressed, tell yourself “God has a plan for me! God Loves me!”

Love to all!

-Tani

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20 responses to “Thoughts on Hope.

  1. Diana says:

    Great post,Tani…inspirational and comforting. Made poignant by your own experience.
    Diana

    Like

  2. that is beautiful.

    but I think that the only thing in that list of “getting married, of having children, of being a teacher and an author and learning how to dance” that is now impossible is learning how to dance. and now that I think about it, that’s still POSSIBLE, if not advisable…

    Like

  3. Tanichca says:

    as revenge for all those times you have made me talk, i again ask, why???

    Like

  4. you’re welcome. I’m exhausted. good night!

    Like

  5. Evelyn says:

    Where’s the :hit smiley when it’s needed?! That’s such an awesome story…. I agree with what Gabe said, though. You could always adopt children if you were so inclined, buy the software called Dragon for writing, find some man who’s smart enough to marry you even though you aren’t perfect, (just like the rest of us!!!!!) and teach in a way that isn’t for the public schools. Your blog already teaches people! Just not in the traditional way. You could also write curricula for homeschoolers. As far as dancing, ”Life’s a dance you learn as you go.” Love ya, sister!

    Like

  6. Evelyn says:

    I’m a very detail-oriented person. πŸ˜›

    Like

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