People still read this thing?


I had 32 views today. 12 yesterday. 43 the day before. This begs the question, why?

 

I have mostly ignored this blog lately. I have realized, at last, how completely insignificant my opinion actually is, and how few people care and care so little about what I have to say about the inanities of my life. I am nothing special. I am not really any different from the billions of other human being on this planet. God loves me every bit as much as them. Does my writing a blog really make me somehow important? Does anything? In the grand scheme of things, I will probably be forgotten or at best annually commemorated with a dinner a hundred years from now.

I started this blog a shy, naive, selfish child. I did not know God, or love, or true friendship.I thought I knew myself. I thought my identity lay in my looks, talents, and strengths. I based myself off my friends, adopting characteristics and mannerisms like costumes. What triggered the change in me was watching all my delusions crumble around me, as everything I thought I was was stripped, piece by piece. I reached a point, around this past Christmas, when I had finally lost everything I thought I was.

It took me losing myself to realize I had never known me at all.

I gave up, right then. And I reached that point that had started with a pan of brownies, the point of absolute surrender to God. My life, for all that it is worth, is worthless. And yet, God, lover of all, chose to make me, so that I might have the choice to love him! Can you believe that?! He made me, not so that I would be forced to love Him, but that I could CHOOSE to. This complex and annoying and treacherous and foolish thing I call my self was made only that I might have the opportunity to chose to love Someone perfect! How could I resist loving Him? So that’s where that changed. I fell in love with God, deeper and more intensely in love than I ever could have thought I could fall in love with any of those guys I thought I had fallen in love with. Complicated, no?

And there, in God, I found who I am. Actually, in a song. Three points to whoever guesses it!

“Forgiven, beloved, hidden in Christ. Made in the image of the Giver Of Life. Righteous and holy, reborn and remade, accepted and worthy, this is our new name.”

So, I found me, and then I found my voice. I can (and Evelyn can attest to this) speak my mind now without worries of offending (I do end up offending people though, thanks to this stupid problem with pride.) I no longer need this blog to feel as though I have a voice, a thought. I no longer have that deep need to matter to the rest of the World. I matter to God, and to the people that already love me. As do you. As does everyone.

That’s really why I don’t get on. Don’t be offended, or disappointed. I’ll still be around, posting about what interesting things are going on.

Speaking of which, my Mom is going to have another baby! #11!! PARTAAAAAYYYY!!!!

Love to all!

-Tani

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8 thoughts on “People still read this thing?

  1. Actually your opinions do matter, at least they do to Evelyn and I. I enjoy hearing your thoughts and ideas, and I think the Lego Pagan Temple was an absolute hoot! (remember that Gramma is just a wee bit odd!)
    You know Little One, I’ve had numerous people telling me for quite some time now that I “need” to have a blog. Some of those people would actually care about what I wrote. Some would probably crack up and have to run to the bathroom before they had an accident in their computer chair! (I kinda have that effect on people!)(but then again I AM cheaper than cable television!) I don’t think I could do the “blog” thing as nicely, wisely, or easily and you and Evelyn do. Numerous reasons, but the main reason I don’t is that doing the blog would require turning on the computer. Believe me, the computer is NOT my friend. There are always more crafty projects to play with, another book to read (ask Evelyn! I kinda read alot!), more birdwatching to do, more photos to take………actually I can sit on the back deck, read a book with my camera nearby and grab a photo of a hummingbird visiting my flowers all at the same time! If I happen to have a can of Dr Pepper nearby? All the better!
    So don’t doubt yourself! Hey! I even have a namesake chicken!!!! See? Someone loves me enough to name a chicken after me!
    Oh, by the way? Congratulations Mom! Woohoo! Nothing on this planet smells better than a new baby! Well, most of the time that is! Babies do tend to have their smellier moments!
    Love, Gramma

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    • Eh, odd Grammas are the best kind!

      I am quite sure, ma’am, that if you had a blog, the internet would spontaneously combust with the sheer awesomeness. However, since I am attached to this wold wide web, I would highly suggest that you leave blogging to the less awesome people and do something worthy of your skills. Like becoming president of the universe. Something like that.

      Speaking of which, your namesake chicken is driving me insane. Every time I plug up one of her escape routes, she finds another! That one cannot be curtailed or controlled. I should have named her after someone nice, passive, and sweet. Like Kody. ( 😉 to Evelyn)

      Fingers crossed it’s a sister, everyone!

      Like

  2. Beautiful. I can say this as a person who sees the wisdom, inspiration and confidence in another person, I am proud of you. I would say I love you, but I feel like that would sound too intimate, even if I said “not as a boy to a girl.” (see what I did there?) 😉
    If you feel that the right choice is to no longe rrely on this blog, then sobeit!! Huzzah! 😀

    Like

    • Thank you! You were a very big part of all this, so you deserve some credit. *claps*

      Well, you can say that you love me as one child of God to another. It’s how I’ve been talking to everyone lately… ya get some weird looks, but it’s very gratifying!

      As per blogging, seeing as my already strained social life is about to grind to a complete halt, BYC and other internet sites will soon be my only way of talking to my amigos. This blog might be actually getting serious action in a few months!

      Huzzah? Are we back to 1693 again?

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      • Oh mai gawsh. It’s Captain Fantastic! Cue the cheesy theme song!!
        Does this maybe mean that we’re all going to go back to “normal”? I could totally handle that…
        And I saw what you did there, Tani. Kody is not passive. XP

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  3. Mucho congratulations to your mom! Yay! fingers crossed for a baby girl….

    And I see your point….I haven’t been blogging either. I’ve been thinking about the internet, and I’m not sure if I really want it in my life.

    Your story touched me. I really struggle with letting God take control sometimes (as in, sometimes I stuggle, not as in sometimes God takes control. Had to clarify that) and I hate how obsessed I am with my own self.
    He has done so much for me the past months. Especially as in really improving my relationships with my younger brother and sister. God has taken away the animosity in my heart towards them.
    🙂

    Anyway, I love reading your blog! Write me sometimes please? I love talking to you and I never get on BYC anymore.

    Oh, and hi Evelyn. and Gramma. *waves enthusiastically*

    Like

    • Haven’t heard from you in a while, Di!

      God is so great. He heals all of our injuries and problems, and gives us love and healing instead. Congrats on being able to get along with the siblings! 😀

      I think we all hate how obsessed we are with ourselves. Pride is the biggest sin that any of us face, and most of us have it in bucketloads (I know I do… ugh!)

      Like

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