Manliness looks like St. Joseph.

If you’ve been on the internet within the past few days, you may have noticed the explosive #YesAllWomen and #NotAllMen campaign. In the wake of a mass murder, in which a young man who felt gypped by the women he was interested in and killed six people, the spotlight of the world has turned to the struggles that women face and the danger we see from men who couldn’t be acting less like men.

In part, it’s the fault of the culture, not of any particular gender, that men think they are entitled to women.The culture says we should be able to do whatever we want, whatever makes us feel good, and that other people should take second fiddle to what makes us happy. Pleasure, usually of the sexual kind, is the be-all and end-all of the human experience. Women should, of course, be humble and act with prudence (don’t take a drink from a stranger, for instance…. duh?) but men need to get their act together, ASAP. I know men are bombarded from all sides with messages to be emotionless, selfish, grabby, and objectifying, so let me present a new role model.

(Well, new as in 2000 years old. But I digress.)

So, St. Joseph. He’s overlooked a lot, in the shadow of his perfect wife and his son, who happened to also be God. But he could teach modern man a lot about being a man. Let’s look at some of his best qualities.

Humility: St. Joseph doesn’t say a single word in the scriptures. We can only imagine he was a normal dad, who taught his son how to work, helped him take his first steps, listened to him babble as a toddler, took him fishing as a young boy, maybe helped him study his reading and writing. But none of that is recorded. And that’s OK. What modern men can learn from St. Joe about humility is that they aren’t the most important person in the world. They can be good and kind, and not have to shout about it or feel that they are owed other people’s appreciation for simply doing what they are supposed to do. That’s a big problem with the friendzone and nice-guy mentalities- some guys think that somehow, by doing what they are supposed to do and being nice people, they are owed a girlfriend. Be more like St. Joseph- find love and peace through humility.

Selflessness: In Matthew 1:18-25, Joseph finds out that his fiancee is pregnant. Awkward! Even though he was the wronged party (the girl who was supposed to be faithful to him was obviously messing around) St. Joseph “did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” Look at that! A girl did something to hurt him! Did he key her car (donkey?) Did he post pictures of her all over the internet with captions of “slut” or “whore?” Did he drag her to the elders of the village and demand that she be stoned? No. He realized that she had feelings and a life of her own, and he wanted to spare her any and all possible shame. She hurt him, and he reacted with compassion and grace. And then, he listened to God, and married her, exposing himself to shame and ridicule from his friends and neighbors, who now thought that he was a stupid kid who couldn’t control himself. And he never complained. He just quietly loved. How secure Mary must have felt, to know that her husband put her above himself, that he could be trusted to do the right thing and love her even when it was hard and he was hurting. How secure all women could feel if only all the men in our lives acted like this!

Strong (and I don’t mean physically): St. Joseph was a man of strength. Seriously. Read the paragraph above again- by marrying Mary, he opened himself up to public shaming from people he cared about and respected. That takes some serious guts. You don’t get that kind of courage from just sitting on the couch, eating doritos and waiting for good things to just happen to him. Joseph would have been a hard worker, and he would have been the kind of man who did hard things for the sake of doing them. He obviously was close to God, so he would have kept up a strong prayer life, which would have been hard for a bachelor with lots of work to do. Men, don’t whine about how hard life is and expect that good things (or a girlfriend) will just fall into your lap. St. Joseph knew that he wasn’t owed anything by the world, and he was strong enough to know that his pleasure took second fiddle to what was good for other people. He worked for good things. Guys, learn that! Learn to be satisfied with work well done, instead of looking for satisfaction in seeking your own pleasure. Learn to do the right thing, even when other people might dislike you. Learn that being a good person is it’s own reward.

Having a girlfriend? That’s just a bonus, not something that you’re owed.

St. Joseph, pray for us!

Love to all!

-Tani

(P.S- keep an eye out for my girls version, coming soon!)

Sneaky Evangelism

If you have been reading my blog for more than a few seconds, you may have noticed that I am really big on talking about God’s love. I can’t help it, it’s seriously the Most Important Thing to me, and it’s honestly fun to write about. It’s something that I am absolutely assured of, something that I am unable to doubt in the slightest. God loves. That is the foundation for everything else in my life, from what I say to what I do to even what I wear. It’s so obvious that it’s pretty much unavoidable for someone who knows me to eventually get told how loved they are. It’s everyone’s job, not just mine, to tell everyone how loved they are. So why aren’t we?

I think a big reason is because we fear that nobody wants to hear it, or that people will be annoyed when we try to evangelize them. We worry that we’ll be seen as goody-two-shoes, as ignorant and naive, or as preachy. And you know what? We will be. There will always be people, even among our fellow Christians, who won’t want to hear about God’s love. Love is an abstraction, they say- why not talk about His strength, or they offer counter-examples. If God loves us, why does He allow children to die or wars to start? Why does He allow me to be miserable and lonely? Why doesn’t He just change everything? In the end, these people don’t want to hear about God’s love because they have convinced themselves that it doesn’t really exist. And nothing we say will ever convince them otherwise.

So what do we do? We have to stop saying things.

Not stop evangelizing, no, not by any means. But we have to be sneaky about it. Instead of focusing so hard on God’s love, focus on peace or joy. Be happy. Sing on bad days. Be kind when you don’t feel like it. Always be prepared to serve. Never get phased when bad things happen, but trust that God will take care of you (because He loves you, but you don’t have to say that.) And when you are inevitably asked why you’re so happy, respond simply-

“Because I have nothing to be sad about.”

“Because there’s no real reason to be afraid.”

“Because I am loved.”

That’s enough to get people thinking. And that’s what changes hearts. Not our eloquence, but our example.

Love to all!

-Tani

“I Stopped Talking to God Because He Stopped Talking to Me.”

“I stopped praying because I feel like God never says anything back.”

A few friends have said things along these lines, and it’s pretty disconcerting. We all feel better when God talks to us, right? We feel peaceful and empowered, and that’s a good thing. But most human prayer doesn’t get a concrete answer, and it’s silly to think that it should. 

God is not a vending machine. You can’t expect that if you put x-amount of time/energy/prayer/sacrifice in, you’ll definitely get what you want out of Him. God does not owe us answers. He is not our servant, waiting on our every word so that He can give us all the attention we need. He is not our boyfriend, showering us with constant ministrations. Heck, He’s not even human, with the human need to interact. Trying to fit God into one of these boxes will just lead to frustration. 

God is God. He’s all-knowing and all-powerful. He’s a pure spirit, and He is complete and perfect on His own. He doesn’t need to talk to you in order for you to see His love for you- that should be brutally obvious just from looking around you. From the colors that you see to how your body works to the sounds of birds singing… all of the entire universe exists so that God could show his love. And you demand more? You demand that He personally come down and talk directly to you, as though you are the most important person in the world? 

Don’t get me wrong, you are very important to Him. St. Augustine said that, “If you were the only person on earth, Christ would have still suffered and died for you.” And that’s true. But don’t let that puff up your ego, for the love of God. Don’t think that just because God died for you, you are somehow owed personal interaction. It doesn’t work that way. God will choose whether or not He talks to you, and you will still be infinitely loved and cared for even if He does not. In fact, it would probably be better for you if He didn’t speak. The silence on the other end of the lines forces us outside of ourselves, forces us to look around us at the world to see what His answer is. When we stew in our misery that the creator-of-the-universe didn’t pop in for a spot of tea and a chat, we miss the homeless man on our doorstep, the children crying for clean water, the war-torn nation begging for help. Our focus is incessantly on ourselves, so we can’t stop to see the misery of others, which is so easily fixed that it’s a marvel nobody bothers to do anything about it. 

You know who God does talk to? The humble. The people who don’t expect Him to. The people who love Him and praise Him even when they can’t feel Him. The people who are kind to their brothers and sisters around them without Him having to ask them to be.

So here’s my advice. Let. It. Go. (Yes, we all did just sing the song.) Follow God, praise Him in good times and in bad ones, be charitable to each other, be merciful, be humble. Put your whole heart and soul into helping others, don’t leave even the tiniest bit of yourself free to be miserable. God doesn’t come in the fire, or the windstorm, or the earthquake… He comes in the silence and stillness of a patient and humble heart.

Pray without ceasing, as St. Paul said to the Thessalonians, rejoicing always and giving thanks in all circumstances. Give thanks when you feel happy. Give thanks when you feel sad. Give thanks that you woke up this morning and had access to food and even to internet, for your friends and family and dog who all love you, for the sacrifice on calvary and the sacrifice of the mass, for the color of sunlight on leaves and the twinkle in a child’s eye and that lovely bit of music you heard as you walked down the street. There are a lot of things to talk to God about, when you try. Pray especially, if you are someone who struggles with God not talking to you, for the virtues of patience, humility, and peace.

Love to all!

-Tani